Dirk: The Kitten Incedent
by ludwigsgirl97
Summary: So this is just what happens when my frien goes "What if Dirk got a kitten?" and I come up with a quick, brofluff plot. I hope someone at least enjoys this.


"Hey, bro, can we keep her?" Dave asked, holding up a cute little kitten. It was solid white, except for black patches around her eyes that looked vaguely like aviator sunglasses.

"Will you quit bringing home a different animal a day?" The guardian said, sighing. The seven-year-old boy nodded so vigorously, his pointy anime shades fell off his face, flying across the room, but not breaking due to the fact that they landed in a pile of the odd stuffed toys called smuppets.

"I won't bring home any more! She's gonna be my new friend!" Dirk sighed, a sound both of admission and annoyance.

"Fine. But you're the one taking care of the thing. It's coming out of your allowance, and you will do everything for it. I don't care if it is on fire, and I'm drinking a glass of water, I will watch it die, understand?" He was exaggerating, and he did find the creature extremely cute. Luckily, he had no problem with money, seeing as how he was the inventor of smuppets, among other things. They only lived in this tiny apartment because he was too lazy to move out of it and find a real place to live.

"I got it! What should we name her?" He asked, as the tiny ball of snowy fur purred against him as he scratched her ears. If Dave had been older, Dirk would have made so many inappropriate jokes, but the kid was seven, and not ready for that kind of stuff yet.

"I dunno. Snowball or some shit. Or just call her Sis. It's the only chick in the house, so I guess that would work." Dirk said, resisting the urge to grab it from his brother and snuggle it. Not only would that be a douche move, but would also confirm the fact that he not only like the cat, but probably would have brought her home himself. In spite of the fact that he was essentially an Internet man-whore, he still had some pride. Quite a bit actually.

"Yeah. Bro and Sis! My two favorite people in the whole world!" The boy exclaimed, yet to have gained his cool demeanor. He rubbed his pale face against the purring animal, and ran through the apartment to his room, where he would build a bed for her.

Dirk watched his little brother go with a smile. He loved and hated that the kid looked up to his so much. He only hoped that he would be a good enough roll model that the kid would turn out to be someone important in life. He picked up the discarded shades, and waited for the kid to realize that he had dropped them before going back to his room. The place was covered in the weird puppets, as well as Lil' Cal, of course. Shitty swords filled the place, and it was a wonder the man never stabbed himself to death by accident.

He wondered how many people knew that he actually hated these God-forsaken things. They were annoying, and it wasn't as if he really needed a reminder of his dark occupation. But he couldn't have piles of his product in the trash, and they sent him the damn things in truckloads every time they made any sort of change in the way they were made. There were shaggy plush, rainbow plush, and anything else one could want in a puppet-shaped sex toy. He simply told his brother that they were cute, so that he didn't have to answer awkward questions.

But what was cute was the cat. The little guy almost looked like Dave, with the same color fur as the kid had hair, and those dark circles looking like shades. He looked at the clock and decided that he should start making dinner. And considering the fridge was full of shitty swords, and always would be, that meant deciding where they would be eating out tonight. They had Chinese the night before, then pizza, then fast food, then Korean, then Chinese again. Dirk decided that tonight was defiantly a seafood night and opened the phone book to see which ones would be the best. When he decided, he called Dave down, knowing that the boy loved himself some seafood.

"Sweet! Can we take Sis, too? I'm sure she'd love it." He asked, and Dirk face-palmed.

"No, you can't take your cat into the restaurant. It doesn't work like that, Dave." Dirk explained, and then wanted to hit his head against something as the boy teared up, and the kitten walked over to him, pouting Puss-In-Boots style.

"But, she's part of the family, now, Bro."

"Yes, but she is a part of the family that will be eating cat food, not human food. I'll get her a can of tuna if it'll get you to stop crying like a little girl." He conceded, and Dave reluctantly walked toward the door to their apartment. He was happy his anime shades held the annoyed twitch of his left eye well enough as he followed, locking the door behind them.

Life went on like this for two months. Dave started a lemonade stand outside to pay for more toys for the little guy. Even though his lemonade tasted like shit, he made enough to keep up his end of the bargain and take care of the kitten. The kid became disappointed soon, however, in that the kitten seemed to like bro more than him. After obtaining food, and maybe cuddling with him for a while, she would run of to Dirk, no matter what he was doing, and start pawing at him until he played with her.

The one thing she did do, however, was sleep in Dave's bed. Mostly because she didn't like Lil' Cal very much, and under no circumstances was Cal being displaced by a cat. He watched as Dave became more and more attached to the growing fuzz ball, even trying to sneak it to school in his backpack, and getting away with it until the bus driver heard a meow and kids started sneezing. He was late to school that day, because Bro made him walk for the act, instead of driving him. Of course they lived in the city, and he couldn't let a little kid walk alone so he walked with him, but the point still remained.

One night, however, Bro woke to the sound of the fire alarm going off. He jerked up, but smelled no smoke. He hopped out of bed, thankful he slept in pajamas that night, instead of naked as he usually did, and went into the main area. He still neither smelled nor saw no sign of smoke or flames. Which meant it was the carbon monoxide alarm.

He ran to his brother's room, and tried to wake the kid as he started to feel dizzy. He realized the boy had passed out in his sleep, and simply grabbed him up. He gave a brief search for the kitten, but didn't see it, and in spite of the fact he too had grown to love Sis, he wasn't loosing his bro for her, so he hauled his anime ass out of the apartment as soon as possible. He put his brother on the elevator and pressed the bottom floor before running back in, his steps becoming uneven as the dizziness got to him more and more.

"Sis, here kitty, kitty, kitty!" He called, hoping that the cat would come to his call. He stumbled and fell to the ground as his vision started going black. Before he passed out, he heard a faint meow, and felt familiar fuzzy pressure on his chest. The cat was lying on his chest, and weakly nuzzling him.

"Sorry, kid." He said, knowing that he would be unable to save the cat. Hell, he couldn't even gather the strength to get out of there himself. He wished the stupid animal would just go down the stairs. It apparently could still move, could still save it. Suddenly dirk regretted the tuna treats he had given the thing while Dave wasn't looking. All the times he had played with it, even letting it in his house in the first place. Because now Sis was going to die with him, instead of live with Dave. But at least Dave would be okay, he thought, as he passed out.

\

He woke to a beeping once more, but this was the beep of a hospital heart monitor, not the alarm that signaled the presence of the thing that had brought him here. He looked around, and was happy to see that Dave was awake in the bed next to him. He wasn't happy to see the kid crying.

"What's wrong, little man?" Dirk asked, and Dave looked at him.

"When the firefighter went to get you, he said that Sis was dead on your chest. She died trying to save you, and you almost died trying to save her." He said, getting up and walking over to his brother's bed. Seeing as how he was well, he had no wires attached to him, and could do so freely.

"Shit. Sis didn't make it? I'm so sorry Dave, I tried…" He said, wrapping the boy in a hug made semi-awkward by the fact that his right arm had wires sticking out of it.

"I'm not mad for that. It sucks she died, but why would you got back in for a cat?" Dave asked, frowning at his brother.

"What do you mean? She was part of the family, I looked after her just like you." He answered.

"But what if you hadn't made it either? Id rather have you than a cat, bro." He said, and tears came to the man's face.

"I hoped that you could have both. But from now on it's just us, and Lil' Cal, okay? No more girls. They just complicate things." He joked, and Dave nodded.

"Just us." The boy crawled in bed with Dirk, and fell asleep with his head on his chest. Dave wrapped an arm around his little brother, happy that at least he was okay.


End file.
